Hey folks, we are almost at the end of 2024, a year that went away like a finger snap. A lot happened this year, both good and bad as that’s what life has been like with me, but I am not blaming it as life in itself is chaos, which we are meant to sail through because imagine a “perfect life”, wouldn’t it be too boring? I know, now I laugh at this logic because what other option do I have? One of my favourite films has this wonderful dialogue of — get busy living or get busy dying, I guess I am preaching this to the core now.
As I am in my 30s, I have sailed many traumatic ships in life that now I am accustomed to just keep going and see what happens next. I am done with the idea of, why me? Because I guess everyone is struggling on their own, but hey it’s not measurable because every individual has their own defined journey and everyone is trying to figure his/her shit out. With the lessons life has taught me, I have realised that sometimes you just have to accept certain things and let it all go. I know it’s not at all easy but what’s the other choice? to sit and ask weird questions to yourself and question your existence? Trust me done that, it ain’t any help my friend, it just kinda makes you sad and lets you do stuff you shouldn’t be doing because there is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t. You are the one thing in this world, above all other things, that you must never give up on yourself.
With all the struggles I have been through and currently being into one, I have realised that maybe my dark days made me stronger. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it. I don’t know, when will I fully heal or the idea that I will openly tell anyone who ever asks me how am I but one thing that I have learnt and has deeply engraved in me is since I am a survivor there are thoughts on certain days/weeks where I feel I am not courageous and have certain questions like “If I were courageous I would have stopped the abuse.’ ‘If I were courageous, I wouldn’t be scared”… I guess most of us have it mixed up. You don’t start with courage and then face fear. You become courageous because you face your fear.
Prince Harry, very beautifully portrayed it -” The experience I have had is that once you start talking about experiencing a mental health struggle, you realize that you’re part of quite a big club.” And that’s true, when I started sharing my journey, I never knew the amount of people I got connected to and helped. I never knew before I wrote the first blog that I was never alone, I have a very big community to support me and my therapist of course for not letting me give up and never letting me stop being me, which is beautiful because what I have come into terms is we each survive in our ways. We all need to take time to breathe deeply, shut out the voices of panic and worry inside our heads, and be reminded that we can and will get through these hardships.
My 2024, was a marathon of pain, resilience, self-discovery and survival that doesn't make it easy to heal. And through it all, all I have done is show up, learn, grow and hold onto hope, even when it felt like there was none. So I guess this year was a mix of some pretty good memories but at the same time certain situations that kinda took a toll on me mentally and emotionally yet again, but I guess, the last few days left and I want to let it all go. Not easy but one can only try and I guess I am trying. I have realised that pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place. Life doesn’t change. We people change — we can be miserable or we can be happy. It’s what you make of your life.
The lesson I’ve learned this year is that I don’t always have to be unyielding. Strength isn’t about never breaking — it’s about breaking and still choosing to try again tomorrow. It’s about saying, “I’m done for today,” without giving up entirely. Even warriors need to rest, and I’ve realized it’s okay to feel tired for now.
I am leaning on to hope yet again and waiting for it to smile from the threshold of the year to come and let’s see what the next chapter unfolds. Let’s take that little leap of faith, shall we?
Ending this year’s blog with one of my favourite lines I read in one of the current ongoing book that I am reading —
…life is meant to be lived, life is meant to be felt, the pleasure, the pain and everything in between.
Sending you all lots of positive new year vibes, hope and strength.
See you next year ❤
