A few years ago, my husband and I put in a small patio under our kitchen window. I was excited to sit out there in the morning drinking coffee and have a place for friends and family to gather. Before the concrete was even poured, I was looking online for used patio furniture that we could afford. I finally found someone selling a beautiful, gently used set for a reasonable price. I reached out and started chatting with the seller. I wanted to see the set before agreeing to the purchase and the seller requested a down payment, since there were “quite a few people interested.” I believed this – what a find! So, I sent a little money via a payment app. A short while later I got another message from the seller, requesting more money. When I tried to find the original listing, it had been taken down. I asked them to send me the pictures, and they stopped messaging me. I’d been scammed.
Luckily, I had not put much money down, and I was able to get my money back by reporting the scam through the payment app. But the whole thing made me feel a bit sick. I believe myself to be a smart, cautious person who makes thoughtful decisions. I’ve gone through lots of training around online safety for my work. I always spot the red flags when hearing someone else tell a story about being scammed. How could this have happened?
My story was a fairly low-stakes scam, but it goes to show how blind we can be to red flags when we are excited about something, even patio furniture! A situation that might normally seem “too good to be true” feels like you’re finally having some luck if you’ve been thinking, hoping, dreaming about it for a while. Adoption, especially domestic infant adoption, is fraught with scam potential. Some prospective parents come to adoption after years of fertility struggles, and some families wait years more for an adoption match after they have an approved home study. With declining rates of adoption across the country, agencies encourage families to match through their own adoption outreach, often utilizing social media or the web to let expectant parents know they wish to parent. It is important that anyone hoping to adopt is aware of potential scams and what to look out for.
Adoption scams fall into two main categories. The first are emotional scams. These occur when a person is seeking attention, sympathy, or is purposefully trying to emotionally manipulate. Examples could look like adoptive parents matching with someone who is not pregnant, or a birth mother matching with more than one prospective adoptive family. The second type of scam is financial. This could look like someone claiming to be an adoption service provider and asking for payment but failing to provide the service. This could also look like an expectant parent asking for monetary assistance with no intention of placing the child with a family. Some scams have both an emotional and financial component. It is important to remember that a “change of heart” or a “reclaim” are not scams. While they can be devastating for an adoptive family, every birth parent has the right to parent if they decide they want to (within the timeline of individual state laws).
To help you navigate, we’ve put together a few red flags that may indicate a situation or site is not legitimate, and some tips for minimizing the potential of being scammed.
Red flags to look out for:
- An expectant parent who refuses to connect with an agency or attorney
- Someone who refuses to meet face-to-face with you or their own representative (agency or attorney)
- Someone asking for money, especially via a payment app
- Someone refusing to provide proof of pregnancy
- Someone claiming they have multiple children available immediately
- Social media sites claiming to be an adoption agency with little information provided about the agency
- Someone communicating with you on behalf of an expectant parent
- Make sure you are working with a licensed agency with a good reputation. Not all “child-placing” agencies are licensed, so it is a good idea to check with your state’s Department of Health and Human Services to confirm licensure. Some less than ethical agencies will rebrand frequently, so do your research. Be wary of anyone who reaches out to you and claims to be an agency. Reputable agencies will allow interested families to reach out to them, not vice versa.
- Ask lots of questions and be on the lookout for those red flags. Find out what agency or attorney the expectant parent is working with. If they are not working with anyone, are they open to being connected? What is the expectant parent’s personal history and what is most important to them about making an adoption plan? It is also a good idea to ask questions about the legal process and make sure you understand exactly what steps will need to be taken to complete an adoption. This is especially important if you are involved in an interstate adoption, and your agency should help you navigate this.
- Stay grounded and avoid becoming too emotionally invested early on. It can be helpful to have someone who is unbiased and less emotionally involved review the situation. This could be your worker or a trusted family member or friend. While it is easy to get excited about a potential match, check yourself and do not rush into anything, especially if it involves money. In some states it is illegal to send money directly to expectant parents. Adoptions should be thoughtful at all points in the process, with the best interest of the child always at the forefront of decisions.
- Trust your gut. If something feels weird, or that little voice in your head says, “I’m not sure about this” then pause and refer back to #3.
Being aware of how adoption scams happen and how you can protect yourself from them could save you from emotional and financial heartache. If you ever have concerns about a potential scam, reach out to your adoption worker for support. If you believe you have experienced a scam, you can also report it to the FBI.
Additional Resources:
- How to Avoid Adoption Scams – National Council for Adoption
- Protecting Yourself Against Adoption Scams – Creating A Family
- Ending Adoption Scams – Facebook Group
- Google Reverse Image Search – this is a great way to tell if a photo of a child/ultrasound was taken from the internet
- Our Adoption was a Scam – Real Life experience
- Pregnancy Services – CH/LSS
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