Today a book arrived that I ordered online at the suggestion of my dear friend. A few hours after it had been sat on the side, waiting for me to give it some attention, I flicked onto this blog. I don’t check it very often and I write even less. However, today something made me check my notifications and I noticed I had a message. I’ve had a few comments since 2017 when I wrote the post I want to reflect on today, and so it is lovely to me that people are still finding things I wrote back then when I was in my own quest to understand PDA and OCD for my darling girl.
You can read the post about OCD below, just my thoughts, questions and opinions of the time. As said, the only thing I’m an expert on is my own family and life. Not to say I get things right, only that I am the liver and observer of our time on the planet and writing helps me to get things out of my head and into a clearer space. If it helps anyone else on the way, then, for me, it is worth sharing out into the abyss. Lately though, with this horrid AI business going on, creators and artists work is being stolen without permission and mangled into nonsense, which I find quite awful, but that’s another story…
Anyways, the re read of the post and the questions asked got me thinking a bit and it’s strange because my daughter, who has always been against and unable to consider exposure therapy, (exposing one’s self to the fear in a safe place, taking either small and considered steps which increase over time to build acceptance and resilience, or doing the fear in great chunks to shock the brain into acceptance and relief), has been trying it out for herself on her terms. In her own way (naturally PDA).
Bless her heart I have seen these past few weeks how exhausted and stressed she is. Rituals over many years have resulted in other problems, and as such she is understanding that she cannot go on in this cycle. Extreme flooding, feel the obsession and don’t do the ritual is about as frightening as anyone can imagine. Not only is it very difficult on the mind and overall wellbeing, but the body’s nervous system is in a constant state of fear and unrest, hormones then overcompensate and all sorts of biological responses kick in that should not be going on at that level for great amounts of time. OCD has the same effect of course, so it is no wonder that people who suffer with OCD do anything they can to try and get out of that state.
“Imagine you are terrified of spiders. Your logical brain knows that this spider won’t hurt you, but your irrational fear-based brain is scared to the maximum. The spider is on your arm. You are looking at it. Screaming, trying to get it off. It won’t come off. No matter how long you scream in terror, how much you try to get it off, it won’t come off. Thats how I feel all day everyday Mum”.
In deeper response to this particular blog post where I was searching for deeper meaning into OCD and mental health, I do believe there is a space in-between the OCD and the healing or helping that doesn’t have to come from the opposite end or be painful, hard work or involve putting the person into more fear in order to cancel out fear. The action of trying to overcome something in and of itself still feels wrong to me. I believe that by finding the invisible realm, which is available to all suffering humans, we can access a higher healing power. We have just become so cut off from it in our modern, pharmaceutical based teachings. I think this will be our next area of learning, but once again, we have to be ready. Perhaps long term suffering or severe situations allow us to prepare for what is the magic answer, what was there all along, that we just couldn’t see or access.
I pick the book up later in the day and it’s introduction has been enough to make me stop and write this to pull together these three happenings. An old blog post, a new book and finally she tries exposure therapy.
So, I must allow her to do what she is ready and willing to do. I see her immense suffering, but perhaps this will be what she needs to reach some peace and ability through the other side. I can only accept and observe.
While she does what she needs to do, I will delve more into this space that I know exists, the healing space that is kind, loving, easy, blissful, perfect, everything. I’m not sure how to get there yet, but I feel it is on it’s way. I will try not to leave the next part of this another 8 years in the making!
Thanks for finding us. x LOVE, LOVE, LOVE xxxx
