In this episode of ‘Space for Life,’ host Tommy and guest Joel Suggs, a recurrent co-host, discuss the profound topic of humility and its crucial role in everyday life and on the golf course. They explore how golf serves as a mirror to life, revealing key aspects of personal character and humility. Through personal anecdotes and philosophical insights, including references to biblical figures and writings by Andrew Murray, they outline what humility is and isn’t. They emphasize humility as honest self-awareness, seeing oneself rightly in the context of the world and God, and freedom from posturing and people-pleasing. The podcast transitions into practical ways golf can teach and reflect humility, underscoring the mental and emotional disciplines that foster a humble spirit. The conversation aims to inspire listeners towards actions that grow humility, highlighting its transformative potential for greater freedom and joy.
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Watch the episode here
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Humility: The Unseen Power In Life And Golf With Joel Suggs
This is going to be a little bit different because I think the subject that we want to talk about with my good friend and multiple time guest, Joel Suggs, is a topic that is at the core of how we live our lives. It also happens to be the core of how we perform or do not perform on a golf course. The golf course ends up being a spotlight that shows itself of who we are in all of our lives, which is why I think this is such a fundamental core episode and topic for us to discuss. In doing so, I also know it to be a topic that is very rarely discussed in pretty much any venue, and when it’s discussed is often misunderstood.
If you’re wondering what this is all about today’s episode of Space for Life and Links for Life is about humility and the place that humility plays in how we live our lives in all of the breadth of how we live our lives. When we go to a golf course, it has a very significant play in how we perform on a golf course. I know a lot of people that read Space For Life are not golfers, but we’ll use a few analogies, but this is so much bigger than golf. I hope you will tune in. The way we’re going to do this is we’re going to talk primarily in the first half, two thirds of the show just about this subject of humility. We will then transition to talk about specifically how it shows up in a golf course.
Joel, before I jump in with you, I want to tell a little story on myself that, as related to golf, that shows a little bit about how this subject of humility plays out in a round of golf. I was playing a round of golf in Florida and most all of the round was by myself. I was playing, and it was just an average mediocre round. I particularly was not hitting my driver all that well. I ended up getting to the eighteenth tee box, and it got backed up. A guy asked me if I wanted to join him. I could tell because he was in front of me that he was a pretty good golfer.
I said yes, and all of a sudden, the golf round changes because now I’m playing and I’m performing with someone. As happens sometimes in that situation, my focus increased. In that particular case, it was a par five. I hit one of my best drives of the day and way out there to the very edge of the water, which you had to hit over the water to the green.
I had a really easy, straightforward shot over the water, about 180 yards to the green, and a great opportunity to impress this person that I was playing with, who was always already very impressed with my incredible drive. I stood up to the ball, six iron, and hit this shot, which is the shot that always shows up with my nerves, which is a shot that has too much draw to it, pointing to the left.
Of course, I just knocked it straight into the water, a shot to the left that I had not hit once in the entire round. I immediately dropped another ball, which I needed to do, and he moved on to his and immediately hit a shot right up onto the green and proceeded. I sat there and I thought about it afterwards.
The only explanation for why I hit that shot was what we’d normally call nerves, but in reality, was simply pride that I wanted to impress. It all became about him, and nothing but that emotion changed by golf shot. I thought that is just so typical of golf, but it’s so typical of life where we get in a context and we become a different person because pride shows up in a particular way.
Anyway, that’s just an example and it taught me something. That’s just an example of what I think is why this subject is so important. To transition, why are you here? You are here because you and I have gotten to know each other and you’ve been someone that it has become particularly apparent to me, lives differently and lives a little bit outside of the scope of what anybody else necessarily thinks about you. One of the places that that has become apparent is you are the only person I think that I know older than sixteen years old that does not own a smartphone. I think when you first told me that, I went, “Who is this guy who doesn’t have a smartphone?” Yet, you’ve just decided that’s not something that’s important to you.
That’s not something that’s life giving to you or helpful, and so you just live differently. You also don’t particularly live by the clock. When we have conversations, they often go beyond the hour timeframe that people allocate for conversations because we just end up talking about things. You never seem to be in particularly a rush with things.
Even as we talked on a couple of the episodes you’ve been on, a core theme that has come out is honesty. Honesty with yourself, self-awareness and honesty, which is, I believe, at the root of humility. All that to say, I’m really particularly glad to have this conversation about something that I feel very strongly about battle and something that I feel like is very much right up your alley. Joel, it is great to have you back on Space For Life and Links For Life.
Thank you, Tommy. I appreciate it. Thanks for all the kind observations.
We haven’t specifically talked about humility in all of our conversations, but I just guessed this is probably in the forefront for you. Am I correct on that?
Humility Defined
Yeah, because I would say my most succinct definition of humility is accepting the facts.
Say more about that.
I’m just really into facts and basing my, observations, interpretations and conclusions on facts as opposed to saying, “I’m probably the guy with the coolest hair in the class.” A friend might say, “Joel, have you looked in the mirror lately? Your hair is not very cool anymore, Joel.” I’m basing this opinion of mine that I have the coolest hair of all the PGA golf pros in the country. I’m just basing it on my thoughts, my feelings, my observations, my bold opinions, my conclusions and my interpretations.
Apparently, I’m really not basing it on many facts. If I would just simply look in the mirror and maybe ask my wife, I would get the fact that, “No, Joel, your hair’s not really cool.” I think that’s humility, to just accept the facts. Moses accepted facts. Abraham accepted facts. David accepted facts. Churchill said that Chamberlain was the most humble man he knew with the most to be humble about. I just think humility, the most succinct definition I’ve found it very effective over the last 40 years is to accept facts.
That’s really interesting because I think most people that I know of would not necessarily see the connection between accepting the facts and humility. Right there, it points out that this character trait, which some people massively aspire to and others actually think is a problem is not understood very well. Let’s dig a little deeper on that because I really think you’re onto something that is critical. If humility is accepting the facts, then how does that play out, let’s just say for you as a person?
I think it engenders honesty because I just enjoy dealing with facts as opposed to being deceived. I think we all hate to be deceived. We hate to be tricked. It’s like, “Rats, I got tricked on that. I got deceived on that.” I thought I could my car would go 110 miles an hour down the interstate. I thought I had the fastest car in the world. No, my minivan will not go 110 miles an hour down the interstate. For some reason, I got deceived. That’s how, again, I’ve learned a lot about it over the years. As you and I have talked, I was not any a Christ follower as a kid, and I would call myself an agnostic or an atheist or a nihilist, I just didn’t believe in anything really.
When I started reading the Bible as a college student, and this humility word came up, I’m like, “That’s definitely one of the words I have no clue about.” I know it’s one of those religious words that I just am not hip to at all. I don’t know. Maybe, I think it was about 5 or 10 years later is when through my study and my thinking and my evaluation of things, I said, “The best these people talk about humility.”
It sounds yucky to me. It sounds stupid. There’s something that’s not right with it. The way people talk about it to me, I came up with this simple definition of just accepting the facts. If I say, “My team won the high school championship,” Dizzy Dean would say, “It isn’t bragging if it’s true.” If your team won the high school championship for the state, and you state a fact, say, “My team won the high school championship.” You’re just stating a fact.
Now, as I got older, I thought that’s humility. You just got to admit you all succeeded. You were a part of the team that succeeded. Why would that be wrong to state a fact? Someone would say, “You’re bragging.” I say, “No, I don’t think it’s bragging. He’s stating a fact. That, to me, is humility.” Now, as I kept going on in life, I’ve been into my 20s and 30s, I said, “I can state a fact, but I can state it with pride or I can state it with humility.”
Humility is admitting you succeeded as part of a team. It’s not bragging—it’s stating a fact.
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I started concluding that I could say, “Yeah, my team won the state high school championship.” In my heart, in my spirit, I could be saying that with pride because I think I’m better than everybody else in the world, or I could say, “Yeah, my team won the high school state championship.” I could say it with humility and say, “We beat a lot of other good teams. They tried just as hard as we did. I was only one part of the team. We had a good coach, we had a good pitcher, we had a good catcher.” We could say that same factual statement with humility, or we could say with pride.
The opposite side of that is true too. We can say, “I’m not really so great.” We can say that with incredible pride as if, look at me. I am so putting myself down. That’s what the world hates so much. I call it false humility, or be a very honest thing. When I think about like one of the right mindsets that’s around humility. It’s coming to the truth, the facts that I’m not as great as I think I am, nor am I as terrible as I think I am. Neither one is true. The problems that I think so many people encounter is they live on one side or the other of the truth. They actually live on the side of thinking they’re so much bigger than they are. That becomes very obvious.
They are constantly beating themselves up in such a way that it ruins their life. Others are turned off in a sense to that negativity because neither one is the truth. When I look at you, or you look at me, you realize that truth that I need to see about myself, I’m not as great as I think I am, and I’m not as terrible as I think I am.
Had I stood over that golf shot and I thought that is the basic truth, I would’ve just made the swing like I made every other swing, and it probably would’ve been a decent but not great shot. As a result, I wanted to say something different. That’s where I think humility is so game changing. If we could come to that truth, we’re not as great as we think we are. We are not as significant as we think we are, nor are we insignificant or terrible. Does that sound right to you?
Absolutely. That’s what I’ve learned. I’m 64 years old now, Tommy, and like I said, I started trying to figure these things out 45 years ago when I was about 20. Do you mind if I quote a really famous philosopher?
Yeah, go for it.
Have you heard of Popeye?
I’ve heard him once or twice.
I is what I is, Olive Oyl? To me, that sums it up pretty succinctly. The rub is, am I deceived about what I is? It’s exactly like you just described.
That’s where I think both you and I find the Bible to be particularly instructive. A couple of things that I think that I note because I love the honesty and the truth that’s in the Bible. A couple of things I note is as I can think of it, only two people in the Bible are described as humble. One is Moses, as you have mentioned, and it says Moses was the most humble man in all the Earth. Really ironically, what do you do with this? Jesus described himself as humble.
You think here are two of probably the greatest human beings that have lived, and they were uniquely defined as humble. Others described them as humble. How does a humble person actually describe themselves as humble? They do it exactly based on what you say. They’re just telling the truth. It’s just a simple fact of the matter. That, again, begins to just reframe things quite a bit. In thinking about this show, I’ve felt like, and feel like one of the most important things that we could possibly do is to help define humility rightly.
Could I mention one thing about Moses and Jesus?
Yeah. Go.
I found that quite interesting too. Jordan Spieth has been a famous golfer around the country. I first saw him play when he was about fifteen years old here in a tournament when he got paired with a friend of mine in Cincinnati in 2009. He came on the scene, nice young man, and people would ask him every once in a while, he was so humble and stuff, and he’d say, “Thank you.” Finally, someone asked him in an interview, “Would you please explain why you’re so humble?” He says, “If I talked about me being humble, then it wouldn’t be humility.”
Some people say if you talked about being humble, then it wouldn’t be humility. But Jesus freely spoke about his humility because it’s the facts.
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I appreciate that. When he said that, he was about 22 years old. He’s a great young man. I also thought since at the time I was about 50 years old, I said, “I don’t believe that anymore,” that Jesus freely spoke about his humility because then it was just the facts again. He’s the son of God. If he’d have said anything different, he’d have been lying. He would’ve been inaccurately, he’d been lying or accidentally misstating the truth. This book here.
It’s my favorite book. Number one on my list. I’ve got my version of it sitting right here on my desk somewhere. Just finished rereading it. Humility by Andrew Murray.
Lessons From Humility By Andrew Murray
I probably first read that. I didn’t put the date in here when I got it, but it’s pretty old. 1982 is the copyright. You can imagine it’s probably about 30 or 40 years old when I first read it. Tommy, I read it through and I thought, “Let me read it again.” I’ve probably read it 20 or 25 times in my life because I didn’t understand it. The words he was piecing together in his sentences I did not understand.
I’ve come to understand his words better over the last 40 years since I’ve been reading the book and studying it and talking with people and examining my own heart. That’s why I’m so glad you asked to talk about this topic. I would say also, like you said, some of us inaccurately think too highly of ourselves, but then some of us inaccurately think too lowly of ourselves. I’ll guarantee you, Tommy, I have been both of those people. I really don’t look down on both of those type of people anymore because I feel like I know the suffering and the ignominy and the sadness of both sides of that extreme side of that continuum.
I think of that statement by Jordan Spieth, and while I agree with you, if humility is the truth, then you should be able to talk about it, I can also appreciate as, as in his context that probably when he was asked that, he probably realized anything that would come out of his mouth would be a distortion. If he talked about it, it would be something more than it was. I think his response probably was a really good, appropriate one.
Especially for a 22-year-old kid.
Absolutely. I made a little list and I’d love to get your feedback around this question of what is humility? The first little three items that put on it was what is not humility. I’d love to get your thoughts on this. I’ll relay a few things I said that I think at least is humility. I said what is humility? It is not putting yourself down. It is not weakness, and it’s not inferiority. These are things that I think are often in my mind incorrectly associated with humility. Thoughts?
When I first heard this word in a serious conversation or context or public discussion, or in my reading, I didn’t understand it, and that those were my connotations of the word. I’m and a milk toast guy, a limp wristed, milk toast guy who’s just a wimp. I said, “That doesn’t look too cool to me.” I compared that to Jesus, and I said, “This is why there’s a dissonance here.” If he’s supposed to be humble, he sure doesn’t seem those three qualities you just mentioned there. There was this dissonance and got me on the path of really wanting to learn more about it.
It’s really interesting is then, so the four things that I’ve got that is humility. We actually have never discussed this subject. I didn’t plan this knowing what your thoughts are about humility. It’s pretty interesting. I said related to what is humility, it is honest self-awareness. It is seeing ourselves rightly in the context of the world and God. I put as a little footnote, we are small. If we’re going to be honest, we are a speck in the universe and in the time of all times.
The most significant person that we could probably think of may not even be remembered in 50 years, 100 years from now. No matter what we’re doing, we are small and tiny in the world’s eyes and times, eyes, and relative to God, how great he is. It’s seeing ourselves rightly in the context of the world of God. Inevitably, I think humility is other centered. CS Lewis said something. He said the humble person won’t be constantly talking about themselves. I’m not quoting it exactly.
If you meet someone who’s truly humble, you’ll just be aware of how happy they are and how interested they are in you. I thought that really resonates with me. I also wrote down it’s freedom from posturing, pretending, and people pleasing. Thoughts? It’s honest self-awareness. It’s seeing ourselves rightly in the context of the world, and God, it’s other centeredness and it’s freedom from posturing, pretending, and people pleasing.
The whole reason I got interested in this topic is because I decided to believe in Jesus and God and I’m sure when I decided to believe in them, it didn’t change the facts of the matter whether they exist or not.
They weren’t all excited about, “We finally got Joel on board.”
No, I think they were. The guy comes home and they throw a party. I think they were, but whatever I decided about it wasn’t going to change the fact of the matter about it. That’s why I was comfortable making a decision to say, yeah, last thing I need to do is just decide if this is true or not in my own head and in my own mind. The world’s going to go on just fine. As you’re saying, there’s 7 billion people, or 8 billion. What I ride aside about is not going to change anybody else really to speak of.
It’s like the things you mentioned there. It’s all so much rooted in what’s the reality of things? Does God exist? Is it by design or is it by chance or all these things? Is there a designer? I think it’s humility to say, yeah, whatever I believe about that isn’t going to change it. Whatever I believe about, that is not going to change the size of some Himalayan Mountain in Asia.
Whatever I believe about it is not going to change the size of some beautiful cathedral or some mountain or some Tibetan monks home in Asia. It’s rooted in the fact that there are facts, there is truth. Whether we believe that truth or not, again, do I really believe it’s true if I step out on the interstate and a car hits me, I’ll get run over and killed? Is that truth? I tend to agree with that truth. That’s why I’ve never stepped out in the middle of an interstate. These are facts. These are just facts. That is funny to me, but it’s just a spiritual fact. I’m just open-minded to the facts. That’s one man’s observation of facts. It’s rooted in, is there truth? Are there facts?
I think there are physical facts that if I step out on the interstate and get run over, I will die. There are spiritual truths. If I am jealous, I will not be happy. I’ll probably make other people unhappy too around me. If I’m impatient, I will not be happy. I’ll probably make my wife unhappy also. These are invisible things. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, humility.
Growing in humility is freedom and joy.
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I cannot touch any of those things. I do not see those things like I see this book so, or my golf clubs here, or I see the beauty of Pebble Beach behind me there in that scene. Those are physical things, but they affect us invisibly, of course. That’s a long yeah answer, but it relates to all four of those things you’re talking about there, I think.
Humility As Freedom From Posturing, Pretending, & People-Pleasing
I think another side to this is that you have these truths. These truths are true whether we think them, realize them, acknowledge them or not. At the same time, our perspective, the presence or absence of humility within us has a tremendous impact on how we see the world around us and how we respond. The last footnote that I made on this thing, it’s freedom from posturing, pretending, and people pleasing.
I think about that eighteenth tee when I came and I met that guy. In a sense, my lack of humility put me in an immediate prison of trying to posture and to pretend and to impress. In one fell moment, my whole attitude changed in a completely invisible way, but yet in totally tangible way. I think about that in a sense with virtually every golf round where I’m playing with someone, that the context of who I’m playing with and what my attitude is towards them to impress them or not be impressed by them or whatever it is immediately impacts my whole lens by which I play that round of golf.
The same thing happens in a podcast. The same thing happens when I coach someone as a life coach. The same thing happens when I go to a party and spending time with friends, that I immediately have this non-humility lens that causes me to be in posturing, pretending, and people-pleasing mode. While that’s still a reality, it’s still the truth of who I am, I recognize that growing in humility is freedom. It is freedom and joy.
How unbelievable would it be if I could go out and play a round of golf with three friends and be freed from trying to impress them or to show them something? How incredible that would be? How enjoyable would it be for me to go to a party and just be completely consumed with my interest and enjoyment of other people instead of what they think about me? That’s the freedom of humility. It’s where this stuff in invades it in every aspect of our lives with our family, with our friends, with God, with our golf it. It impacts everything.
I’ll tell you what, there are two main scriptures that pop into my mind. I’ll tell you the first main one for brevity. If we’re in every situation for ourselves, we’re the most important person around here. I think that’s not humility. I think that’s pride. If we’re in every situation to serve, to help people, if I don’t get anything out of it, I’m not disappointed. I was just here trying to help somebody.
If they didn’t want my help, okay. I tried my best, sorry for him. Hopefully, they’ll do great anyway without my help. Jesus, because he’d known where he was coming from and where he was going and that God had put all things under his power, got up from the table, wrapped a towel around his waist, and began to wash the disciples feet.
Radical Humility In The Face Of Betrayal
You know what blew me away? I was just in a Bible study on this. Included in that group was Judas who left one hour later to go betray him. Jesus knew that was going to happen. Even in the midst of that, he still washed Judas’s feet.
Indeed. What that taught me, when I first read that slowly and thought about it, and this was a long time ago, again, Jesus factually knew where he was come from, where he was going, and that God had put all things under his power. If I’m ruler of the world, I don’t own the Los Angeles Lakers. I don’t shoot 62 every time I play golf. I don’t own the fastest car. I don’t own the biggest house. I don’t own a lake house. If God gives me all power, that’s not where I will be. I will instead be here for the good of other people.
Believe me as a golfer, I felt you feel bad being embarrassed about your golf game. I can tell you about Hall of Famers who feel embarrassed about their golf games and much less the rest of us. When I became an assistant pro in 1987, that was a big part of what I had to deal with and what I decided to do, one little trick I used to try and keep me humble and fact-based was I would play right behind our house here is the Winton Woods Golf course. They call it The Mill Course now.
It does not have a range. In 1987, when I came an assistant golf pro, I would go out and play at the crack of dawn because we didn’t have a range. I just had to tee off and go play. I’d finish at 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning in the summer and start my work shift. People would then see me in the pro shop working behind the counter, and they’d say, “Pro, how’d you play?”
What I noticed after a couple months was when I played poorly, I would give them an adjective. “I played poorly. I didn’t play too well today.” I’d give them a couple sentences. “I didn’t hit it that well today, didn’t play too well.” What I noticed on the days I played well, I didn’t give them a sentence or a bunch of adjectives. I gave him a number. “How’d you play today, pro? “I shot 73.” I wouldn’t say anything. I’m like, “I’m a bad man. I shot 73. I’ve played well today. I’m glad to tell you that.”
What I realized was that’s, again, pride and arrogance and people pleasing and all the other good things you mentioned there. It’s not humility. It’s not just being a brave, honest man and being who I am because I was already that in God’s sight. Why do I care what it is in other people’s sight who walk through our pro shop? It’s because I’m not humble. I’m not accepting the facts, and I’m trying to please people and be a cool dude. It’s peer pressure. It’s like fourth grade.
I said, “God, I’m going to just say the number and shut up.” That’s pretty much what I’ve done in the last 40 years. I say the number and shut up. That’s also why I’m into facts when it comes to golf, is I want the numbers to be good, so I can just say the number and shut up and let them think what they want in me. God knows I shot 78, or I shot 72, or I shot 81, or I shot 74. It’s the God honest truth.
I’ve got a terrible habit of explaining my score which others might say makes excuses. “I shot a 78, but I’ve got two terrible breaks. I hit a great shot and it plugged in the sand trap, and I ended up taking a double.” In my mind, because I want to justify myself to myself, I’m just explaining what’s going on. In reality, I’m doing the same thing that you’re talking about.
What I would want for those who are reading that are Space For Life people and aren’t necessarily as interested in golf, is that we would become a little bit more self-aware of all of the subtle ways that pride enters in to our lives. I think one of the interesting things in the Bible is that we are called to humble ourselves. If we’re called to humble ourselves, that means that there are practices that we can undertake that can move us in the direction of humility.
One of them that Jesus suggests is just do good things anonymously. That is so hard for me. I’ve got to tell someone of that. There are these practices that we can take that can move us in that direction. I think one of them is in the direction of self-awareness. Be aware of how pride enters into our daily conversations, the way we explain ourselves to other people. I think it can be absolutely life changing. Just that simple practice of being aware of what’s going on within us, not beating ourselves up about it, just admitting the truth, as you’ve said.
I have a million of those little ones like that. That was one of the first ones I figured out. It has to be a number, Joel, another sentence. Another one is when I go to park places, I try to park several spots away. I just say, “I don’t have to be there.” When we’re going through doors, I don’t have to be the first one in the office door in an office building. I don’t have to be the first one in the elevator. To take the humble seat at the banquet is the way Jesus told us to do it. I have a million little things like that, little regimens, mental disciplines, mental habits that I’ve tried to employ to humble myself. Humble is the verb, myself is the direct object.
Humble myself, it’s an active thing. If I’m going to tell myself I need to lift weights, I got to lift weights. If I tell myself I need to brush my teeth, okay, I’ll brush my teeth. I’d say humble myself. That’s pretty strange. As you say, nobody talks about it. I say, “I had so much fun humbling myself today.” I enjoy talking about it with you. These are my little tricks, my little regimens, mental, emotional regimens, spiritual regimens. I say, “This is how I humble myself.” It’s fun once you get used to it. There’s still the temptation to say, “Look at these great things I did.” Occasionally, there is, yes, but sure is a whole lot less than I was a kid.
Freedom Through Humility In Performance
Yeah. One of my favorite authors, Dallas Willard, I can’t remember what context he said this, but he said, “I’m working on learning the discipline of not having the last word.” I thought that is a great self-awareness that he became aware that having the last word in a conversation in a context was a way of elevating himself, that he actually worked on the discipline of not having the last word. All these little tricks. In the interest of time, maybe we can shift over to some golf-specific types of ways that we can learn to humble ourselves and to become more aware and honest. Let me begin this with a quote that you sent to me in preparation for this that I thought just was so crystal clear and it called this out.
This one Gary Player, who I love. He said, “A golfer chokes because he fears being exposed for something less than he really is.” I love that because it really captures the fact that when I’m in a competition or when I get in front of certain people, that my lack of performing has nothing to do with my golf skills. It has to do with my mental thought that I’m going to show myself up for who I really am, which is really not all that impressive.
All of a sudden, my skill level, whatever skill level I have, becomes something different because I’m afraid of that person figuring out that I’m a pretender on the golf course. I just think what an amazing change to my whole golf experience as well as my performance f I could be freed up through humility to be unconcerned with that.
Super huge, super meaningful. How did Rory finish at the Masters? Do you know, Tommy?
If I’m not mistaken. I think he won.
Did Justin Rose finish second?
Yes.
Who finished third?
I don’t know.
Who finished fourth?
I know Bryson was probably tied for fourth or fifth.
There’s a great story I heard about this journeyman pro on tour. I think I’ve told you this one before, but I’ll repeat again. This journeyman on tour, he had always been out there a typical guy, not a real famous guy, but he’s making a living out on tour for like 10, 15 years is my impression of the story. All of a sudden, over the course of the next 2, 4, 6, 8 months, he starts finishing higher in the fields. He’s playing the best golf of his life. He’s not really winning anything yet, but he’s finishing higher.
He gets asked the question by one of the media, because he is getting interviewed more now. Let’s say his name’s Fred. They said, “Fred, why are you playing so well lately? You haven’t won yet, but you’ve been out here 10, 15 years and you’ve never had this many top tens like you’ve had the last 6 or 8 months.” Have I told you this story before?
No.
They said, “Have you changed your equipment? Have you been working out? Have you really improved your swing?” He says, “No, it’s not any of those things. About a year ago, I came to the realization that except for my wife, no one cares out here what I shoot. It’s been great. I come out here like this is my own little domain. Nobody cares out here except my wife. She likes it when I make more money. She likes it when I come home happier because I’ve played better instead of coming home grouchy because I played poorly. I’m not out here to please the soul now except me and my wife.”
Yeah, it’s so true. I had my own version of this. I love competition and I love golf and stuff, but I haven’t played in many tournaments. A few years ago, for the first time, I went to try to qualify for the senior state amateur higher level tournament and competition than I normally do. Of course, because I’d never done something like that, a lot of nerves were associated with playing around a golf where every stroke counts and just a pressured round.
As I went into it, and as I was very aware of my nerves, I stepped back for a moment, which was a healthy thing to do. I went, “The reality is nobody cares. Virtually nobody knows what I do or don’t do in this round.” I have 2 or 3 people in my life that will probably ask me how I did, not that they really deeply care, but they will ask me how I did. Outside of that, no one has a clue and no one cares. Why should I be all bent out of shape about this? It didn’t eliminate the nerves, but it actually helped. In essence, that was the truth. Nobody did that.
The reality is, nobody cares, and virtually nobody knows what you do or don't do in this realm. So don't be all bent out of shape about things.
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It’s the god honest truth. We’re accepting facts.
I thought that’s a step in the right direction. A little baby step but it was a step in the right direction. It’s one of the reasons I honestly want to still compete because I think every time I put myself in that situation, I am forced, in a sense, to face the truth. There’s something good about that.
I do a lot of plan lessons for these past few years in my career. There was a space at time there for about ten years where I did not do plan lessons because I was ashamed of what I was going to shoot. I feel like a hypocrite, but I’m supposed to be trying to teach you golf but I’m not playing very well. Of course, playing poorly for me at that time was shooting 80 or 85. These people who shoot 100 would think, “You’re phenomenal, Joel. You shot 81.” Again, it’s all what are the facts? Who’s perceiving what? Who’s drawing conclusions about what? It’s the truth that we want to deal with. Humility is dealing with the facts, accepting the facts, and just being honest and truthful.
Turning Golf Into A Humility Practice: Releasing Pride, Embracing Perspective
Another place that I think is very significant for a lot of people that I think humility comes into play that I think also translates to other areas of life is how upset we get in a round of golf about what happens and how long we can tend to be upset after a round about what happened. That is my temper which I can have on the golf course. It is a reflection of my pride that I think I’m better than what I just did on a golf course, as opposed to the truth of, “I’m obviously not because I just did that.”
That ongoing going simmering anger or whatever after a round about how a round of golf, which means nothing in the scheme of life, how long it can linger with me, is a reflection of the pride that I have associated with something that does not matter in life. In the scheme of things, that also translates to all the other things going on in our lives that we think matters. Ten years from now, we won’t even remember that they happened. I think that is this incredibly powerful place that if we can grow in freedom, in humility, if we can learn to humble ourselves, we’ll create incredible freedom for us.
One of the little mental emotional, spiritual tricks I started playing on myself was when I first started playing in tournaments after I became a PJ member in 1990 down in the South Georgia area, down around St. Simon’s at Sea Island Golf Club is, I said, “I’m trying to be like Christ here, and I’m getting mad on the golf course.” What I found was when I did, because I’m a pretty good player, so don’t hit me that bad shot. I said, “Joel, you’re hitting most of a good shot. When you hit a bad shot, go ahead and evaluate the shot for 10 or 15 seconds. Instead of stewing about it, about how bad you are, ask the guy how his wife is. Ask the other guy, ‘Didn’t you go to Georgia Tech?”
Ask one of the other guys, “Are you staying at that hotel over there for this tournament or are you staying with that friend? You told me you had a friend over here on the island.” What I found, Tommy, was golf-wise, evaluate the shot for 10 or 15 seconds, post-swing routine as you’ve heard from me, but then instead of continuing to think about myself and brooding on myself, and again, getting down and all this stuff.
I said, “Get your mind on somebody else.” It helps me remember that I’m here, I’m playing this golf thing for the benefit of others. I’m a Christian. I’m trying to love everybody on this planet best I can, and I’m not in here for me. God’s taken care of me. I don’t need to take care of me. That’s been my discipline over the years.
That’s helped a bunch over the years. I started doing that, like I said, about 1990, ‘92, somewhere in the vicinity. It’s been a lot of fun to hit a bad shot and say, “I should have taken one more time there and stuff.” I look at the person, I think, “What do I know about them? How can I visit with them about them?”
That’s so great. It’s a perfect example of the discipline around humbling yourself, of doing something that’s going to move you in the direction and away from the direction of pride. I think it’s a perfect example of what we’re talking about. Again, one of the reasons that I actually care about doing Links For Life is because there are so many parallels.
Just like you have taken this area of your life golf and you’ve said, “I’m going to use this as a tool to become a better person to deal with pride that’s in me,” there are 100 examples outside of go outside of golf where we can do the same thing that you just described, that you have developed now for 32 years, 33 years of disciplining yourself. Instead of getting mad, I will face the truth and then I’m going to turn away from myself to others.
What are the parallels in the rest of our lives that we could do the same thing? There are 100 examples of this. Each one are these small little steps. Those are the same steps that I believe we should be taking on and implementing in our relationships with our spouse, even with our kids, with our close friends, at our work. What are these small habits that we could take that, over time, compound to begin to develop in us a spirit of humility? We then have to work on not being proud about it.
I hadn’t thought about this in a long time, but about that same time down there in Georgia, when I was learning to do this, one of the members, Mrs. Leopold, because I was not playing very well at that time, I played well in Cincinnati before I moved down to Sea Island. When I got down there for various reasons, I just started playing poorly.
Part of it was I was loving life so much I was loving playing with the members on my days off. The courses were beautiful. I was in hog heaven because like I told you, I spent some years in the inner city growing up, and so I’m like, “This is phenomenal.” My golf game was getting a little worse, and one of the members, Mrs. Leopold said, “Joel, how do you stay so patient out there?”
I said, “I think it’s something like 40% of the world is starving to death, Mrs. Leopold, so if the worst problems I have are doubles and triple bogies, I’m doing really well on this planet.” She just nodded her head and she said, “That’s interesting. That makes sense.” It’s the God honest fact. This double bogey is terrible. That’s a God honest truth. It’s a fact that is terrible for my golf score. It’s also a truth that I’m fat and happy as a middle-class American, and 40% of the world is starving to death.
I think that’s a great place to close the conversation because humility, as we talked about earlier, it’s right sizing life. It’s right sizing ourselves. That’s a perfect place to say double bogey, triple bogey, quadruple bogey, it is so insignificant. That is incredible freedom. That is the joy and the opportunity as we encounter and put into practice small habits that could move us in that direction. Thank you.
Can I say one more thing about it? Especially in the last 10 or 15 years, I’ve become convinced the Holy Spirit is trying to give me those.
Give you those small habits practice?
He’s trying to remind me, prod me and encourage me to think good thoughts, to have these good actions. It’s been a lot of fun in the last 10 or 15 years to say, “He’s around, he’s invisible, but he’s trying to make me stronger.” He’s given me the power to have these little disciplines and to think these good thoughts where Satan is fighting against me to have this stupid, untrue, lying thoughts, deceiving thoughts. It’s been fun, I think, again, to realize which shoulder, which one am I going to be most interested in listening to and feeding the most?
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. The Holy Spirit is doing that. The back end of that verse that we talked about, humble yourselves, is humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, and he will exalt you. The path to freedom, the path for the very best in life is actually in the lowering of ourselves, in the right sizing of ourselves. It is the freedom.
I hope for those that read, you’re actually encouraged and inspired towards action and towards self-awareness. Joel, thank you for being a part of this conversation. I do feel like we could go on a long time about this, both in the golf context and in the life context, but hopefully, we’ve whetted people’s appetite for diving a little bit deeper.
Andrew Murray’s book, Humility, it’s old and has a little bit of an old writing style, but it is profound in terms of the book. You might pick that up, also. Thanks, everybody, from Links For Life, Space For Life, for reading. We’re going to post this on both platforms so you can take your pick in terms of where you read it. I hope you share it with others. Thanks, everybody. Joel, thank you so much for being a part of this conversation.
Thank you, Tommy, very much.
Great. See you next time, everyone.
