Mid December, I was back at the Autism Dogs farm for my third playdate with my autism assistance dog in training, Daisy (if you missed my post about the second playdate, you can find it here). We had Izzy (my one year old Pomchi) with us again so that she and Daisy could continue to get to know each other and we made the same arrangement at the same hotel as we had for the previous playdate: staying there the night before the first session of the playdate and the night between the day of the first session and the day of the second session. We’d thought that Daisy was going to be sleeping over with us between the two sessions but that would be the next trip. That actually turned out to be a good thing, given how this trip went.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
Like the previous visit, my Mum and I drove up to Stoke-on-Trent the night before the first session since it was going to be an early start; we absolutely wouldn’t have had time to get there on the morning of. We got there in good time and settled into our hotel room. Well, Mum and I settled… Izzy raced around like a little kid who’d had too much sugar. Eventually though, she tired herself out and flopped down on one of the beds and we managed to have a quiet evening – eating some dinner in front of Black Doves – before going to bed early so that I would have as much energy as possible for the next day.
DAY ONE
Unfortunately, the first day began with a meltdown. I hadn’t slept well and was already feeling tired and anxious and overstimulated when my sensory sensitivities were triggered by all of the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensory information in the hotel room: the texture of the sheets, the texture and smell of the towels, the smell of the soap… I tried to stop it – I didn’t want to have a meltdown and mess up my time with Daisy – but I couldn’t; by that point, I never can.
Izzy never strays far when I’m having a meltdown but doesn’t usually approach until it’s died down to just tears. Then she’s in my lap, with her paws on my shoulders, licking my face: ‘fixing’ my tears. She always does this when I’m upset, like she’s trying to make the sad go away, and it never gets less adorable. It doesn’t actually fix anything, of course, but her utter determination to make me feel better – how sensitive she is to my feelings and how much she clearly wants to make things okay again – is comforting and does bring me back to myself somewhat.
I didn’t want to cancel the session (and I didn’t feel like I could) but we were definitely late by that point. Fortunately everyone at the farm was really understanding and accommodated as best they could; working with people who really understand Autism, as well as some of them being autistic themselves, makes such a difference when it comes to stuff like this. So we got ourselves over there as quickly as we could (without stressing me out further) and thankfully we still had a reasonable amount of time to spend with Daisy.
The original plan had been to start out in the paddock and practice some of her skills (like recall, for example) but it was so cold and wet – not to mention the level of mud! – plus I was still feeling very fragile post meltdown. So we ended up spending the session in the new sensory room, which had been completed since my last visit. I loved the sensory lights – pretty lights always make me happy – but I’m not sure Izzy was totally convinced.
Once we’d settled, Daisy was brought in. She and Izzy greeted each other just as loudly as usual but it seemed to be less intense than it has been: they’re communicating, which is great, but I’m looking forward to when that communication doesn’t have to be quite so loud. I was sitting on the floor between them as they set their boundaries but once they’d seemed to have that figured out, Daisy lay down next to me. I stroked her paw and she promptly put her other paw over my hand, which was so adorable that I almost burst into tears – my emotions were so close to the surface and it was just so gentle and sweet.
(The photo on the right makes me laugh because Daisy looks so bewildered by my affections; she was actually leaning into me, which was really sweet and comforting.)
We basically spent the session, cuddled up on the sofa. It doesn’t sound like much but if we’re going to be a team, out in the world, then we have to have a really strong bond and spending time together, contact time like stroking and snuggling, and giving her the opportunity to get used to my voice and my smell and my emotions – which the dogs pick up on in order to perform their training – all builds that bond. Especially considering how overwhelmed I was feeling, just being together and having some real, extended contact time was really comforting.
It also gave Izzy a very chilled out, low pressure environment to continue getting used to Daisy both as simply a dog and as a dog that she was going to need to learn to coexist with. As always, I don’t expect miracles and I don’t expect her to accept Daisy overnight but I do feel like, with each session, they are getting better at engaging with each other. It’ll take time but there’s never been anything remotely like aggression between them; Izzy’s just very protective and it’s a big adjustment for her to suddenly have to share me, to have another dog protect me when she feels that that is her job. So I can understand her needing time to get used to the change; I need time to get my head around it!
At the end of the session, we headed back to the hotel and I spent the rest of the day alternating between sleeping and watching Black Doves. Between the meltdown and the intensity of the session, I was exhausted. I managed some dinner (and, of course, one of the excellent brownies) before going to bed early. I just did not have the energy to do anything.
DAY TWO
I took the morning gently and so I was feeling a bit more like myself by the time we went back for the second session. We started out in the sensory room and had some good cuddles before running through Daisy’s commands. She’s so good at them and so eager to please; if we do have a problem, it’s usually because she’s so enthusiastic that she throws her whole body into it or she can preempt me actually instructing her. I try not to encourage it by laughing but it is very funny.
After a while, we headed out to the paddock. There were skills to practice with Daisy but first, we just let Izzy and Daisy wander for a bit; we’re constantly seeing them set and then test boundaries as they figure out their relationship. Izzy’s much more sensitive while Daisy is beyond chill so, despite her size, Izzy definitely comes across as the boss; it’s a fascinating process to watch.
We did some recall and then I threw tennis balls for Daisy to chase. That was super fascinating to watch. My childhood Labrador, Lucky, was the kind of dog that had to get the ball at all costs; in that moment, nothing else mattered. I’d expected Daisy – a young, bouncy, enthusiastic Labrador – to be the same and while she did race after them, at least half of the time she’d drop it on the way back, distracted by something. It was a bit weird, the idea that a dog could forget about a toy mid-game was definitely a new one for me. Izzy was very funny about the whole thing though: she was desperate to race Daisy to the ball. I wanted to let her – her desperation to join in was so adorable – but none of us thought the two of them were quite ready for that. And I certainly wasn’t ready to try and break up a dispute over who the ball belonged to!
At the end of the session, I reluctantly said goodbye to Daisy, and then me and Mum got in the car and started the drive home. I fell asleep pretty much straight away and slept for most of the drive. As I’ve said before, the sessions are really intense and they require a lot of concentration – you’re trying to remember so many things at once – and all of that, plus the meltdown… I was completely exhausted. We stopped in with family to have some dinner and then we were back on the road. We didn’t get home particularly late but I went straight to bed and was out like a light.
So it wasn’t the easiest few days of the process: I was feeling anxious and fragile and tired and cold, all of which had been amplified by the meltdown, I’m sure. That did make it harder than usual but I did not want to give up the opportunity to spend time with Daisy; I’d never say no to more time with her, not unless I absolutely had to – for her sake or mine.
The next session involves Daisy sleeping over at the hotel with us and I’m so excited for that!
